“I haves” and “I Haven’ts”

It’s that time in life, where you kinda gotta make a life-changing choice, or else sit on your butt doing the same thing you’ve been doing for the past two years, (not that there’s anything really wrong with that).

The applications sit in a line on my test, beside my three aloe plants. The first, the second, the third drafts. My life’s future in a heap of paper on my desk. The possibility: another year of university. I was driving home after work yesterday, after a very tumultuous month in Taiwan, yet still thinking, I can’t leave this place. I’m not ready, and I haven’t learned everything I’m supposed to learn here. I haven’t learned enough Chinese, I haven’t opened my soul fully, I haven’t travelled enough of Asia, I haven’t gotten my scuba certification, I haven’t devoted my heart to the present.

Yet, this is what I think every time I leave a place. It’s a severe personality flaw.

There, I said it. I’m not one whole, but several parts. One is in the present, and the others are stuck in the past. I sit and watch my students learning every day, yet I feel the person I’ve been the past year or two has been only part of myself.

Putting the parts together is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. How to make Canada and America, Taiwan and England,  join in the middle and become the best of friends? My four homes, to meet together and finally maintain peace? It must be possible and it will be done.

But how do I really travel home, when I don’t quite know where home is anymore?

~ by globalciti on November 5, 2009.